rock over London. rock on, Chicago.

Honey, I shrunk the kids
Wayne, after spazzing out in the backyard:
“there was a bee on me.”

Ghostbusters
Egon and Louis:
“Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. what sign are you waiting for?”
“Gozer the Traveller – he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. during the rectification of the Valdranaii, the traveller came as a large and moving Torr! then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him – that of a giant Slorr! many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slorr that day, I can tell you!”

Louis is hosting his mixer:
(woman comes up to Louis)
“do you have any Excedrin or extra-strength Tylenol?”
(Louis, opening cabinet) “gee, I think all I got is acetylsalicylic acid, generic. see, I can get six hundred tablets of that for the same price as three hundred of a name brand. that makes good financial sense, good advice …”
(he takes a plate of food back into living room) “hey, this is real smoked salmon from Nova Scotia, Canada, $24.95 a pound! it only cost me $14.12 after tax, though. (walks up to a guest, under his breath) “I’m givin’ this whole thing as a promotional expense, that’s why I invited clients instead of friends. you havin’ a good time, Mark?”
(heads across the room, greeting other guests) “how you doing? why don’t you have some of the brie, it’s at room temperature!”
(to the babe in the pink shirt) “You think it’s too warm in here for the brie?”
(the babe gets up, bored) “Louis, I’m going home.”
(Louis) “aw, don’t leave yet. well, listen, maybe if we start dancing other people will join in!”
(she thinks on it …) “okay!”
(they start dancing. doorbell rings. Louis turns to it …) “oh, don’t move, I just gotta get the door. (opens door) Ted! Annette! I’m glad you could come, how you doin’, gimme your coats. everybody, this is Ted and Annette Fleming! Ted has a small carpet cleaning business in receivership; Annette’s drawing a salary from a deferred bonus from two years ago! they got fifteen thousand left on the house at eight percent.”
(throws coats in closet, on top of the beast) “so they’re okay! so, does anybody wanna play Parcheesi?”
(the beast roars from the closet) “okay, who brought the dog?”

Louis looks around at the ruined apartment building:
“boy, the superintendent’s gonna be pissed.”

Spaceballs
to Bill Pullman at the climactic ending:
“so, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph becasue good is dumb.”

to the bearded lady from the circus as she steals his escape pod:
“come back, you fat, bearded bitch!”

Chicago: 20
the ravaged, homeless football team from a ghost town full of destruction and looting: 17
hell, yeah. I’ll take that win.

heard about this on the tradewinds.
no, really. check it out.
if at foist you don’t succeed, attack a woman with a baseball bat.
nothing like a little under the radar political violence to get the blood up.

this week, I have either “zathura,” “get rich or die tryin’,” or “derailed.”
I only have a passing idea what “derailed” is about. “zathura” is “jumanji” in space, according to the trailers. “get rich or die tryin’” I’ll probably give an eff just out of principle. it’s 50 Cent getting jerked off for two hours.
this is probably how the conference call at the production company went a year ago:
-hey everybody, did you forget that Curtis Jackson came up hard?
-yeah, and that now that he’s “made it,” he flaunts his exorbant wealth by rhyming about bitches and money?
-hey, that’s great. way to give back to the community, dickhead.
-you know what? let’s make a movie about him.
-yeah, you’re right. his ego is way too small. I mean, he’s accomplished so much, he deserves the attention.
-that’s so true. I think a few kids in dug outs in Sri Lanka haven’t heard “wanksta” yet. it’ll do them good.

I kind of want to buy a new computer. know why?
so I can buy and play Civilization 4. isnt’ that pathetic?
it’s fucked up, man. those Civilization games, they’re like heroin. once you ride the sweet, sweet H, baby, you never want to come back down.
anyway, this computer, the one I’m typing on, has seen some shit. god only knows how many viruses it has running around in there, and it’s getting pretty slow. might be time to move on.

okay, and lastly.
my brother calls me up sunday night.
lives in DC. that’s about all you need to know.
he tells me he’s in his alley, about to pull out, and this homeless guy comes up to him. they guy’s got a bag full of lawn fertilizer in his hands. the guy says to Mike, “hey, man, five dollars for some weed killer.”
Mike, obviously not pressed for weed killer at the moment, tells him no. gets in his car.
the guy’s like, “four dollars.”
still, no. now Mike’s starting to back up, but the guy’s kind of blocking his way. it’s not a real tight alley, but his parking space is in a tight spot.
the guy goes, “alright, man. what do I gotta do to make this happen?” like he’s actually got a prospective buyer or something.
Mike says, “well, man, you can get out of my way. I’m trying to back out.”
fin.
oh, man. when Mike told me that, I hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time.
see, the homeless guy, he … well, he said, “what do I gotta do.”… and Mike was like … that’s funny, man.
okay, fine. guess you kind of had to be there.

I saw “Jarhead” tonight. very well done. I’m supposed to write on “Chicken Little,” but I’m writing a review of it regardless.

this is a letter from my grandma. written in thick, flowing cursive. just like she talks. clipped sentences. came with ten bucks.
anyway, verbatim:

10/26/05

How?
Been a while since I last saw you – been busy. I assume working on those A’s.
It’s a real nice day here – balmy weather. Love it.
Tonite Mc has cheapie burgers so may treat ourselves. After your mom returns from her dr appointment.
Not much news here. Lucy wants out, but she’ll wait. I’m mad at her. She had a $600 dinner the other night. Ate my hearing aid. It cost $190 to repair so I’ll get a new one instead. Bad Bad Dog.
Nettie sits at table nodding away but awoke to say hello to you.
Decided to give Hallmark a bit of competition – Hence the lovely card. (editor’s note: it’s a 3×5 card with a couple of halloween decorations cut out from a coupon inset of thelocal paper and “Happy Halloween” written on it in cursive, with an orange marker) Since no one ever reads a card only looks to see what else is in envelope, it doesn’t much matter – Right?
Have fun. Be careful trick or treating. Take care – Miss you, love you.

Grandma D

le weather man.
I don’t remember if I wrote it like this, or if it’s heavily edited. well, I know it’s edited. I’m just not sure how much. I like it, though.

just saw “corpse bride.” pretty entertaining. nice little story, fun to watch. worth the rent someday, if you’re bored.
gotta see “chicken little” for the Weekend tomorrow. yeah. I’m real fuckin’ cut out for that one.
and, I’m going to see “Jarhead” on my own accord. Smith and I have been talking about it for a while, looks pretty good.

ordered two books yesterday.
“orientalism” by the late Edward Said.
“a people’s history of the United States” by, you guessed it, Howard Zinn.
I could have just, you know, got them at the library. but I’m a lazy like that. if I own them, I’ll eventually read them. especially if they’re mine.
funny how the mind works.
besides, I have a tendency to never return books. I’ve been renewing a book of essays on Edith Wharton, “eastern approaches” by Fitzroy Maclean and a book called “adventures in urban anarchy” for over a year now. I’ve got no idea where the last one is. I hope the university lets me graduate.

also, bought “(what’s the story) morning glory?” by Oasis. not a bad album. Phil saw I had it, called me gay. fuck him. he likes INXS.

I’ve been thinking about it. besides his first film, “the sixth sense,” which I’ve only seen once, I’m a big fan of Shyamalan. “unbreakable” was horribly underrated, “signs” was kickass, and “the village” was a beautiful story.
“I’m back, Lucius.”
you know, that little blurb about Shyamalan? that was only an excuse to get that quote into a post. I love it.

so the judge in Tom DeLay’s trial for campaign fraud was removed cause he’s a democrat who once donated to MoveOn.org. jesus fuck.

alsos.
Mar is sick, so I bought her medicine. she calls me up and is all like, “what’re you doing?”
so I’m all like, “going to work in half an hour.”
so then she’s all like, “fuck.”
so I’m all like, “why?”
“I need to borrow your car. what time do you get off?”
“8. what do you need the car for?”
so she’s all like, “I’m sick. I need to buy medicine.”
so I’m all like, “what’s wrong with you?”
and she’s all like, “I went to the health center, and they said not to take any ibuprofen. I have a fever, I feel queasy, I have a sore throat, and I have a headache.”
“Mar.”
“what?”
I’m all like, “one, I don’t want your sick ass in my car. cause I spend a lot of time in it myself. and B, you’re sick. so I’ll get the stuff for you.”
and she’s all like, “fine.”
Isn’t it awesome that I related the entire conversation, for no reason, other than to amuse myself?

I watched this movie called “just before dawn” yesterday.
“just before dawn,” the movie still sucked.
ha!
I also have this one called “Tanner ’88.” supposedly, Robert Altman and Gary Trudeau made up a candidate just to take the piss out of the carnival that eventually became Bush Sr. v. Dukakis. I think it’s in episode format. fuck it, I’ve got nothing to do tonight.

and,
oh boy, Propagandhi lyrics! it’s a dark world. and yes. I used to think a lot like this. now, I try to fit into society a bit more.

a speculative fiction -
a new iron curtain drawn across the 49th parallel. cut all diplmoatic ties as we expell all American dignitaries and issue a nation-wide travel advisory for any others left inside. nowhere to run. nowhere to hide.
the burned out shells of south-bound traffic lay strewn along a cold stretch of would-be interstate. still visible below their charred remains: pax americana plates. your stupid fucking laser-pucks were just the start. and while you may stand six full cubits and a span, we got a shepard’s sling and five stones in our hand and the battle of 1812 lives in our hearts. we don’t care if we’re destroyed. we’ll never capitulate. we’ll take the whole fucking world down with us in flames.
just a speculative fiction. no cause for alarm. we got a good 15 years left ’til the United We Stand murals on West Broadway finally fade and we wave goodbye to such sad, childish refrains. replaced with other stupid lullabies like you can have my guns when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.
just a speculative ficiton. no cause for alarm.

I gotta start running again.
this is how it works, for me:
I’m taking in more than I’m putting out. you can understand that in any different terms you want to, and it’s about right.
not that my clothes aren’t fitting anymore. haven’t reached that point yet, but you never know.

bought the new Propagandhi album. “Potemkin City Limits.”
they only release an album, maybe once every four years. who knows why it takes so long, the songs are never that long. albums are only about 45 minutes long. album books are always entertaining. chock full of quotes, inside jokes, and a world’s worth of progressive websites and recommended books.
anyway, it’s like speed metal filtered through a Howard Zinn lecture recorded at a Canadian League hockey game. if you like that sort of thing.

went and saw “the Weather Man” with Mar and her main man Eric this saturday. I liked it, though it was very somber, about some poor schlub, everyman in the human race (which is usually enough to put me off on a rant, like you’ll see below).
anyway. I’d call it a drama with “bouts of comedic interest.” those were not the words I used to describe it in my review, where I gave it an A minus, but it’s pretty well done anyway. Nicholas Cage is real hit or miss with me. I loved him in “Raising Arizona.” tolerated him in “the Rock.” liked him in “Matchstick Men.” thought he ate balls in “Adaptation,” but I can’t really blame him for that one. critics (and the morons who feed directly from them) tend to drop to their knees and take Charlie Kaufman in their mouths.
well, I’ve had my fucking share of shy, introspective guys talking about their feelings.
feelings… surprise, we’ve all got them, and your intensely personal ones should sometimes remain with you. when they become the nation’s tragedy, that kind of takes away from their meaning, far as I’m concerned.
that’s the same reason “garden state” sucked. fuck you, Zach Braff. who knows? maybe it got you laid, or you simply got to touch Natalie Portman, but I’m not buying it. I could cry about my problems for 90 minutes and film it, but they’d call it pathetic. you make a movie about it, and it gets rave reviews and you get paid. next.

Bears 19, Lions 13. a winning record. first time since 2002.
and first place. who fucking cares if it’s the worst division in football?

have a test tomorrow in the probation/parole class. only marginally ready. no worries, though.

I’m not even going to comment on the leak investigation indictment shit, or the DeLay indictment shit, or the Miers withdrawal and the Alito nomination.
because I hate politics and the way that conservative groups bitched so much about “no judicial experience” when what they really meant was “she’s not far right crazy enough” until she stepped out,
and now, cause the administration is getting hosed for being assholes using dirty politics and strong arm tactics for the last five years after originally campaigning to restore dignity to the White House,
Bush goes back to his far right base, the moral majority/christian coalition voters who choose a candidate because they think he’s “their kind of guy,” and appeases them, and nominates a guy so conservative that he’s actually been referred to as “Scalito,” to take the focus off of criminal investigations involving the executive branch and rally his angry, narrow-minded base.
because, you know, if I were going to comment on any of that, I might get so fucking mad that my head might explode.

wow. I had a lot on my chest through that one it seems. didn’t I?