rock over London. rock on, Chicago.

all of my cousins at my grandmother’s funeral, most of whom e-mail each other (and me, inadvertently) incessantly. try and find me. I’m in there somewhere, not making eye contact and acting creepy.

mom and grandma went out to see the kid.
these are pictures Mike sent me and Mar, with the attached message: “me and Anna are listening to Sublime.” of course you are.

looks like someone needs a new couch.


when mom and grandma flew out, they took with them an entire ham and a whole chicken. my mother is appalled at the idea of paying what an urban grocery store would ask. therefore, when we travel, we put perishable foods in our carry-on items.

okay, two major discoveries in the last hour:
first, Alanis Morrisette used to date Dave Coulier. that’s Uncle Joey from “Full House.” holy fuck, man.

second, Patty Hearst was in fuckin’ “Bio Dome,” that movie starring the ultimate tag team combo that is Pauly Shore and Stephen (the weakest) Baldwin (brother).

“Bio Dome” was boss. that movie was hysterical. Kylie Minogue was in it; so was that creepy looking guy who probably fights Jeffrey Jones for parts, and Joey Lauren Adams. what more could you possibly want?

all of this, courtesy of a lovely little web site called www.nndb.com I’m probably the last person in the world to find this.

I have a “v” on the side of my head.
I think it’s from when I was about four or five – I hit a doorframe at full tilt.
so yeah, I have a permanent scar. you can only see in when my head’s shaved (as it now is) but instead of that weak story, I’m going to tell people I got it in a knife fight.

didn’t do too much today.
I had planned on
going to the post office
doing laundry
pricing getting the car realligned

but I ended up only getting one thing done.
yeah, it was the laundry. most pedestrian. fuck it.

I’ve been thinking about this for about, what five minutes now.
so when I put a link to someone else’s blog, does it become my responsibility to notify them of it?
specially if I’m being derogatory at all. is there a right to know?
like Scott Tibbs. if I could describe him in one word, it would probably be hysterical. but I referenced him. so is it his right to know I’ve done so, so that he might come comment or defend himself?
I’m leaning toward “no.” that would imply that a blog is beholden to journalistic integrity. which it is not. a blog may become some kind of public record, as it’s published online, but it’s essentially a big journal. if someone finds their name dropped here, wants to call me an asshole or defened themselves, then by all means. but this thing doesn’t have enough readership to warrant this kind of questioning, anyway.

I shaved a stripe down my head. mostly cause I’m retarded. I can’t wait til I get home and shave the rest off.

clicking around the internet. found this:
http://ihateunitedstates.blogspot.com/
I think it’s run by a republican, but, of course, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. I love it. everything seems to be posted verbatim. tons of relevant links. and it goes on and on and on, for a long time.

so I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I want to run an unlicensed taxi service for drunk freshmen on campus.
get this: I was delivering friday night (I closed) to McNutt (that’s a dorm) and there’s about four dozen drunk fraternity brothers and sorority sisters-in training waiting out on the curb for the drunk bus.
“Dagwoods guy. you seen the drunk bus, man?”
I had actually. going the other way.
“fuck!”
three orders to give out. I’m waiting for them all to show up, and while I’m doing that, some drunk bitch with an east coast accent starts begging me to take her and her friends to another friend’s house.
I stare at her.
she offers to pay me.
well, fine then, get in.
I asked her where their friend lives. “Sports.” that’s Bloomington’s greek bar. generally loud, not fun, and full of assholes (not like the bars I attend, of course; the people at the Video Saloon aren’t pretentious and full of shit and obnoxious at all).
so I say, trying to be funny/sarcastic, “you guys aren’t 21.”
“we’re RA’s.” they didn’t think I was funny, at all.
so they’re all piling into my car, and then the drunk bus pulls up, and they take off. so much for that.
but it got me to thinking: this isn’t the first time this has happened. maybe I should start doing this on my days off. start putting flyers up around campus, handing out cards, establishing flat rates, etc. I bet, acting alone, I could at least carve out some of the local taxi company’s business. no?

yeah. what a great idea that would be.

“I’d just be another number to boost her attendance,” senior Janice Parmar said.
Parmar chose not to attend.

“I’m impressed with how it went,” he said. “I think we really sparked some discussion.” Brad Allen, Union Board president.
Brad Allen is a very bright, observant person.
source

Ann Coulter came to town.
I didn’t go. me and Mar went and got tacos. but I gotta admit; I’m a little curious as to how the event went. I wonder what her themes were for the night. reaction to the Iraqi insurgency? fiscal policy for the new year?

well, as no other local news covered it, let’s quote my very own Indiana daily Student:

When her speech could actually be heard over both cheers and boos, Coulter touched on a string of topics about her views of liberal inadequacies. She claimed liberals “hate God and hate America,” and that there is no hope for the Democratic Party, citing a 25-year reign of Republican dominance.
…
“I think we should have saved the ushers some time and just removed all the ugly people,” she said.
…
During her question-and-answer session, Coulter responded to both fans and protesters. One comment that drew strong audience reactions came from a young man who asked her if she didn’t like Democrats, wouldn’t it just be better to have a dictatorship? Coulter responded with a jab at the way the student talked.
“You don’t want the Republicans in power, does that mean you want a dictatorship, gay boy?” she said.
…
Coulter raised some controversy in her speech when she said that Democrats don’t want democracy to succeed in Iraq. She said, “They don’t think the little brown boys could handle democracy,” to which students responded, “We don’t tolerate racism here. Go back to Germany.”
…
IU College Republicans President Shane Kennedy defended Coulter’s comments by stressing that the speech was for entertainment and attendees should have expected Coulter to say controversial comments.
“I think the guy could have been more respectful to her,” he said. “I mean, we already know that she was going to be controversial and she was just saying what people were thinking. If you are going to talk like you are gay, then Ann Coulter is going to call you gay. Of course, she said it in a spiteful tone, but it was expected.”

that last one was my favorite. and Coulter didn’t even say it.

anyway. good job, everyone. you all did your jobs very well.
hippies! get in there and boo. quickly, lube up IU’s version of the YAF; for this is their night, when all of their bigoted, spiteful rhetoric is reinforced. and they want you there. matter of fact, you’re fuckin’ invited, so come on in! they want you there, so you make a scene, and they can feel justified. so they can feel safe in their fortresses, their bastions of moral righteousness.
look, Ann Coulter says “liberals” are stupid. and here comes some guy dressed in a white sheet and blonde wig holding a sign that says “coultergeist,” like he’s going to a fucking college basketball game. right on time!

god damn it. why doesn’t anyone listen to me? yeah, I know. they shouldn’t most of the time, as I fuck up plenty. but I was so right on this one.
imagine how quiet that fucking place would have been if the “opposition” didn’t show up. it would be Coulter talking to a bunch of stiff crackers in IU sweatshirts and middle-aged churchgoers from Owen county, and it would have had the distinct feeling of a rally in Munich, circa 1933. you want a victory over Ann Coulter? then don’t support her by showing up. let her insult you in absentia. see how popular she is then.

so lets do the rounds.
oh yeah. Scott Tibbs doesn’t like “leftists.”
they’re so fucking rude, man. they speak out of turn.
yeah, like he didn’t expect or want that to happen. how’s it feel to be morally superior, Conservatibbs?
and also, I’ve found a fantastic blog. Delp is pure fucking genius, man. can’t you just feel the vitrol?
this one’s choice. he liveblogged the event. at 6:30, he writes: “this is going to be serious fun.”

all of this: these blogs, these protesters, assholes calling her a “whore,” angry conservatives, extra security, exchanged words, small scale altercations in the auditorium, Coulter herself, all of it.
it just, I don’t know, reminds me of jacking off.

:
Pornography is not an easy business. It requires a constant supply of fresh new talent, an eye for new trends in fetishes and desires, a willingness to stand up against the hypocritical anger of your customer base, and a familiarity with organized crime. Between being made an easy target for politicians looking for cheap votes, and having to negotiate what part of your income must be used to pay off those who need paying off, you stand to make a huge fortune indeed… if you live to spend it.

As a result of this, the professional pornographer (those who make a living at it and don’t dabble on the edges) tend to be strong, maniacal personalities who can bluster and demand with the rest of them. They’re outspoken, brash, and as distrustful of the media as only one who is part of the media can be. They might carry a gun, not to use it, but because that’s what has to be done.
They are demonized, they are hated, they are sometimes violently attacked.

They are freedom.

I hate politicians.
that includes the democratic ones.

Dubai Ports World bought the management rights to six American ports from a British company. Dubai Ports World is – yes, you guessed it – based in Dubai.
and we all know where that is.
the United Arab Emirates.
sweet cadillac, we’re all fucked.

a lot of the hijackers on the Sept. 11 flights went through the UAE. it’s been suggested that some of their financing came from UAE banks. therefore, the fact that DPW is buying these ports, is highly suspect in the minds of some politicians. bipartisian commissions, etc. both Hillary Clinton and Bill “I’m a giant, gaping asshole” Frist oppose it. they’re worried about national security.
well, actually, they’re not. no, you fuckers, you’re not. I know you. I’m only 22, but I’ve watched enough cable news and followed enough politics that at the end of the day, you’re simply concerned with keeping your job or getting a better one.
it’s 2006. that means it’s a fucking election year. and suddenly, people like Bill Frist and Hillary Clinton (who are both considering presidential campaigns) are acting like they give a fuck about the good of this country.

and how do you act like you give a fuck to the average dumb asshole American, Matt, praytell?
you puff your chest out on national security. ever since September 11 the country’s been on that road. that’s when the Bush administration bypassed real, progressive change for the advancement of all humanity for quick votes. they saw terror attacks not for what it was ( blowback for obnoxious foreign policy mixed with a healthy helping of Wahhabism, cause yes, something as complex as the cause of international terrorism is most definitely grey), and instead used it for some insta-votes and an immediate republican stranglehold on power.

and man, I feel so much fucking safer now. thanks, neoconservative agenda!

and here we are now. the Bush administration, through faults entirely its own, has demonstrated to the nation that they’re a bunch of assholes, inept at getting a fucking thing that doesn’t reek of cronyism and short-term investment. they’re the political equivalent of a get-rich-quick scheme. hey, guys, how’s Iraq going? verdict still out on that one? what about your social security revamp? fuck. how about your hurricane response? no? well, what about your legacy? do something quick.
and now, the White House finally gets it right; it doesn’t matter that Dubai Ports World is buying American ports. it’s not going to make any fucking difference whatsoever. what, did you think that just because the last owners were British that we didn’t pay any attention to what cargo was being unloaded in New Jersey? the coast guard, customs and homeland security don’t answer to corporations, regardless of where the company is based.
honestly, the administration is a lot of things – but they’re not selling out national security. no adminstration does.
why, in the fuck, would they do that?
playing the national security card is inadvertently playing the race card. we freak out, deep down inside, cause an Arab country is gonna be in charge of ‘merican ports.
and, you know, the muslims hate us. all of them.
DPW owns ports in Germany and Australia. both of which are western nations. why haven’t they had any problems?

good thing they changed this fucking country into a terror state. you know the administration would have been neck fucking deep in this one, banging the war drum, if they had another term coming up. but they don’t, and now it’s biting them in the ass. Bush is threatening a veto to any legislation blocking or postponing the deal. and it’s like a moment of clarity: he knew all of this “close-the-borders” “bin Laden toilet paper” propaganda was bullshit, and now that he doesn’t have to worry about another election, he doesn’t cater to it anymore. and it’s fucking frustrating that this is what it takes to get elected.
what kind of political culture do we fucking live in when this is how it works?
“national security” is such a sham.
I bet not a word of this makes sense.

today, I bought:
“every picture tells a story” by Rod fuckin’ Stewart
“fine malt lyrics” by House of Pain

excellent.

I reviewed “Paradise Now.” love me; read it.

baby.

Virginia, Mike, Anna (baby)

Virginia, Anna (baby)

Mike, Anna (baby)

mom and grandma went out there today. this marks the third time in twelve years that mom has gone back to the DC area. therefore, it’s a big event.
speaking of mom: guess who discovered the internet.
she’s going to Paris over the summer with a teacher’s group. she didn’t want to go (“it’s too much money” and “I can just go to the outlet mall in Michigan City instead, that’s like a vacation”), but we all badgered her about doing something for herself, that’s fun, and she caved.
so she sent me this. I hesitated to click on it – I was expecting hardcore pornography; you know how mom is – but it was, instead, quite lovely. just turn your volume off, and it’s fine.

from my mom

she also sent me an email.

2/22/06
mATT
Just think in a few hours I’ll be holding ANNA! I went nuts when I saw her picture. My girlfriends/teacher friends were in my room when I saw the e-mail from Mike/Virginia and Anna. When I opened the first pic I was screaming. I kissed the monitor–more than once. Is she beautiful or what!!!
I’ll be talking to you from Mike’s. Oh how will I ever leave on Saturday afternoon?
love, Mom aka baba
ps
I’m praying that the statistics exam went OK.

mom is the shit.

we near the end. it is in sight. here is my column.

more good news, everyone. guess who found Rush Limbaugh on the radio in Bloomington.

heh heh, heh, heh. (this is me laughing. I’m laughing right now, for we – Rush and I – cannot be stopped. he is the juggernaut, the light, the day, and the night. we will rise to new heights together, bound by passionate love, rush and I. ein volk, ein reich, ein Rush Limbaugh.)

it’s 1370 AM. you’re welcome.

my bird flu column runs tomorrow.
I’m sorry to anyone and everyone ever affected by the bird flu, or by anyone who considers it a real risk and a menace the world should watch out for. it is, you’re right.
my column has done you a disservice. I took a public forum, where even with my small voice, I could have provided real insight and half-decent information, and I cracked jokes.
…
problem is, I just really want a reason to write about “Mad Max.”
you’ll see.

when the fuck is spring break already?
March 11. that’s like, two fucking weeks, man. let’s get a move on. christ.

Prince Charles (of England; come on, everybody) had to get a judge to rule his diary was off-limits for public consumption. legality aside, I’m with the Prince. Diana was a bitch, anyway.