rock over London. rock on, Chicago.

yesterday was an interesting day.
I fidgeted through work on Tuesday. couldn’t pay attention to work, could have given a fuck about the Health section. I voted during my lunch break – actually, my lunch break was entirely devoted to it as I went right back once I was done to make sure I got out as early as possible – and once my eight hours were up, I was gone.
I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey.
I went home and sat down in front of the TV.
and the games began.

I tried to take notes of stupid shit I saw on television, as well as my reaction to it, as the polls rolled in. in retrospect it was kind of a rudimentary gonzo attempt. with that in mind, I failed completely; I was so drunk and tired by midnight that not only had my handwriting become unintelligible, but I would forget for hours at a time to write anything at all. just a wash of giddiness at Republican despair and Wild Turkey vitrol.

but, just for kicks, I’ll rehash it here. I started, on my own, around 4:30 local time, and I didn’t have either a notebook or a trustworthy pen, so everything was written on scraps of paper. receipts, advertisements pulled from magazines. also, when I began I was two Pabsts and a couple of shots into the bidness, and I’ve never been a huge drinker so I was warm.
here’s what I got. all verbatim:

4:58. I lose the remote. get stuck on CNN with Jack Cafferty. minor freakout.
found the remote, 5:01. MSNBC calls it for Maryland and Penn with 0% reporting. Great. thanks, guys.
5:20, Headline News. Nancy Grace is talking about how vicious pit bulls are.
5:28, MSNBC calls it for Menedez with 1% of the vote. someone explain the computation, please.
5:35 Chris Matthews declares his use of “hardball tactics” on Howard Dean to Howard Dean. Dean appears shocked, appalled.
5:45. beer run.
7:00. CNN. “did the Rove machine sizzle or fizzle?”
7:57. Keith Olbermann is calling Howard Dean “Governor,” “Dr. Dean” alternatively.
Chris Matthews’ brother was going to be Lynn Swann’s Lt. Governor?

(massive timeline jump, during which I remember being in front of the television)

Grace still talking about pit bulls, 10:30
Very hazy: Shep Smith 10:48 history has said we can do it. We are basically (intelligible) shias and sunnis.
11:19. Jon Stewart and Dan Rather have a shtick going on. Creepy.
Webb up 3,000 in Va. Fox News say 6,000 Allen votes not counted. Time?

notes end there. I woke up at 5:45 and was at work by 6.

oh, hey, by the way, the Republicans lost the entire legislature.
Bush, to be short, fired Donald Rumsfeld. conservative talking heads claimed it was Bush coming out strong and taking a talking point away from the newly elected Democratic leadership. “he’s still relevant, and he’s still framing the debate.”
well, fuck it. fine. if this is the way Bush is going to stay relevant – by acknowledging some of the demands of the majority of the population, for once – then great, he’s relevant.
oh, and Rush Limbaugh had the balls to say he was relieved that the GOP lost, as he was “tired of carrying water” for people who aren’t real conservatives. and if that’s not the biggest 180 ever pulled in the grand history of stupid, self important assholes with radio programs, then I don’t know what is.

fuck this, and fuck you, Jean Schmidt. you should have lost, too. I’m going to sleep. more later.

when I went through the checkout line at the grocery store today with a toilet brush, a plunger and a bottle of bleach, the clerk looked at me in disgust. what can I say? I had the patty melt for lunch.

tomorrow’s a big day. so put some effort into it. if you haven’t registered, you’re a lazy piece of shit.

I never give you my pillow,
I only send you my invitation.
and in the middle of the celebrations, I break down.

I’m listening to “carry that weight” right now.
for one reason or another, my favorite Beatles songs are usually the one-offs, the segues between actual songs. “flying.” “a day in the life.” “blue jay way.” those two don’t really count, but my point is, they’re never the the generic, typical Beatles song.
this isn’t to say that I’m any expert on the Beatles. I’m not . I used to have a copy of the White Album, but Josh lent it and I lost track of it, and now it’s gone.
I blame you, Josh.
forever.

I went to a drive-in movie tonight. saw “Pirates of the Carribean: Part DEUX.”
it sucked. but I forgot that drive-ins are marginally entertaining. it’s always warm out here, and it never rains, so I could think of worse ways to spend an evening.
either way, I talked to this dude named Mike for a while. cool guy. doesn’t really have a chin, but I guess you don’t really need one. either way, he’s going to get me in on a weekly poker game. think on that, Smith.

that’s all. Bears in eight hours. good night.

sometimes, I get down. am I doing the right thing? being here, is this how I should be living my life? what if I’m wasting my time? is excitement intermixed with loneliness worth it?

but really, I don’t got it that bad, cause this hasn’t happened. yet.

listening to “gimme fiction” by Spoon.
quick, Josh, go and make sure that you still have your copy of it, and I didn’t smuggle it out here.

work update:
got scolded by my boss again today.
not about my dress; though I hadn’t showered, and was wearing a zip-up sweatshirt to cover my beer t-shirt. no, he got on me about surfing the internet.
wasn’t really an upset scolding. he didn’t lose his shit and start yelling. just one of those things. ‘I saw you, and now I know you’re dicking around online’ kind of things.
“Matt, we’ve got to find you something to do,” he said.
“it’s deadline, and you’re reading Wonkette.”
I turned around and said, “yeah.”
come on, it’s true. it’s not like I haven’t asked for things to do. and, unless someone’s waiting to drop a bomb on me, I don’t there really isn’t anything to do, once all the copy’s been read and your pages are built. until then, fuck it. I’m reading Wonkette at work.

talked to a lot of people today from far away. a rough order:
Mom
Alisha
Mar
Bianca
Alisha
Dave

so here’s the rundown on all of them.
Mom is going to the Mayo Clinic to make sure her lungs don’t implode.
Alisha has discovered politics, in a big way.
Mar thinks our cousins are unhinged, creepy social conservatives (they may be, Mar. prepare for that possibility).
Bianca actually lives here. I met her at that costume party a couple of weeks ago. she’s alright. thinks a communist is a worthy Halloween costume. which is true; they’re a little creepy and I’ve never seen a real one in person, so that makes for good fiction. oh, and she agreed to get hammered-ass-drunk with me on election night. God Bless America.
Dave called to make sure I was still paying attention to the fantasy football league that I bet money on. not because he wants me to win or anything; mostly because if I don’t, then that means I’ll lose every week. and the people I’m playing will get a free win. and Dave don’t do free wins.
Dave also took the time to fill me in on his brother’s advances as he sallies forth into the music business, one … toe … into the water … at a … time.
“Epoch Apostle” is Jay. “Ill Tony Skils” is, uh, Tony.
I used to watch WWF pay-per-views with these two guys in high school. and play don’t-touch-the-ground tag in the middle of the night. and video games. and go bowling. pick-up basketball.
there wasn’t much to do in Valparaiso.
but they’ve been doing this shit for at least five years. I’m not saying they aren’t halfway talented, they just need to pick up the pace a little bit. they’re not getting any younger.

anyway.
with all that in mind, my phone bill has got to be astronomical. thank you, God, for the plentiful bounty of family plans that you’ve bestowed upon me.

I read a story today on CNN.com.

in case you missed it, the GOP – and I mean that in a national, blanket term – jumped all over John Kerry’s shit because he fucked up a joke and apparently insulted the troops.
it was one of those incredibly banal, heard-it-before, drive-home-the-message political jokes that reign at the present; one that isn’t even funny to begin with, unless you’re such a partisan that talking shit about someone who is an inch away from being labeled one of the most polarizing and possibly inept presidents in recent memory raises your hackles. and if so, you’re as bad as them, so knock it the fuck off. Bush sucks. I know, I’ve heard it before. if you want to criticize the motherfucker, put some thought into it. christ. (and all of this is coming from someone who posted a picture of him with a crying toddler and called him evil. oh god, the irony)

…
but I digress.

either way, it all made me very angry. mostly because it shows the nature of politics in this country; lowest common denominator rules, we all run around screaming, treating the voting population like they’re morons and the voting population eating it up … all of that shit.
to wit: gay marriage? you assholes really think they give a shit about gay marriage? really?
I mean, some of these motherfuckers are Rhodes scholars. Bush, for all of his misgivings, went to Yale.
he’s not retarded. neither are his advisors. and they don’t believe half of the shit they’re saying.
and this John Kerry row, this is deeply embedded in that same vein. the bait and switch. the “let’s talk about something else” move. don’t focus on Iraq. don’t focus on a nuclear armed regime in North Korea. let’s not talk about failed social security reform.
people, instead of focusing on the election that’s in six days, are talking about whether or not John Kerry – who isn’t actually running for anything in this cycle – disrespects the troops.

people are talking about John Kerry and whether or not her disrespects the troops. he came out and apologized to try and stop any further political damage.
there’s been political damage.
say this out loud.
some are hoping that whether or not John Kerry disrespects the troops will be a referendum on national elections that he’s not even running in. they hope this because they know it’s not out of the realm of possibility that something like this might catch fire.
I mean, really. think about how absurd that is.

anyway. CNN, like all massive media outlets, likes to keep its finger on the pulse of the average American. with this in mind, it has developed an online program called “I-report,” which allows Joe six pack to comment on current events; give his two cents on the issues, and even submit any reporting of his own. obviously, I-report only brings out the best and brightest the internet has to offer.
obviously.

so CNN posed the question: who should apologize for the remark? Bush (RNC), for apparently purposely twisting Kerry’s words for political gain? or Kerry for either mis-speaking or intentionally insulting the troops (your interpretation depends on your political stripe and/or how willfully dense you are)?

here’s a handful of the best responses:

John Kerry owes every soldier — past and present — an apology. when will our politicians start using common sense before they open their mouths? since when did it become OK to bash the president? maybe John Kerry should check out the record number of applicants for our military colleges. as a father of a cadet at The Citadel, I know how dedicated these young men and women are to this country. we should all be proud of them and support them any way we can. I say enough already. quit posturing, and do your job, Senator Kerry. we have had enough! Michael Grover, Saint Clair, Michigan

finally Kerry has apologized, which was the right thing to do. the sad part is someone had to convince him to do so. It doesn’t say much about this man’s character. for being a self-proclaimed intellectual, he sure knows how to trip over himself. I’m actually amazed at how many respondents are supporting this major error in judgment. if it were a Republican, the Dems would be calling for resignation! T. Ryan, Phoenix, Arizona

Kerry made his apology today. when will Bush apologize to the 20,000+ seriously injured troops and the families of the 2,800+ dead troops for misleading America and putting them in harm’s way? Roger Peacock, Canal Winchester, Ohio

George W. Bush is the one who should apologize. apologize for lying about the rationale that led us into a conflict that diverted attention and resources away from the true enemy: bin Laden. and apologize for the continued lying, posturing and spinning of news from the front to justify a bad decision. Don Riegger, Midland, Michigan

John Kerry should be ashamed. I will never vote for a Democrat again. he owes the soldiers an apology. my son is serving in Iraq and by no means is he a dummy. Douglas O’Brian, Corning, New York


I was going to keep on with the cutting and pasting, until I remembered that you can just click the link.
either way, in my endless boredom this afternoon at work, I happened upon this I-report page while it was still available to add a response.
so I did.
and, of course, they didn’t put it up there. so I saved it. now, in my righteous, often misguided and completely uninformed anger, I give you my answer. I don’t know why it wasn’t published, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. I mean, fuck, what do I know?
with all of that in mind, here’s me:

who should apologize for this? CNN, and other media outlets, for focusing on something as asininine as a horribly botched joke and a political party’s desparate attempt to focus national attention on it.
on second thought, scratch that. I feel congratulations are in order: you’ve succeeded in helping American politics sink to a level of idiocy that even the most cynical could not have imagined possible.
so … congratulations, to everyone involved. I was tired of hearing about the economy and war attrocities, anyway. this is a welcome respite from having to think about actual issues. so let’s talk more about semantics and John Kerry. his senatorial campaign is in full swing this election cycle, and he should obviously be the center of national attention. Matthew McMullan, El Centro, California

see that? didn’t curse!
god, damn it. they had better not be talking about this tomorrow. I had better not hear another “Bush should apologize” remark. I can’t stand that high-road bullshit. like democrats don’t drive cars that make an oil-based foreign policy go. like democratic politicians don’t resort to dirty tactics. (I love you, Jim Webb, but seriously, who ever fucking cared about George Allen saying “macaca” to an Indian campaign worker? of course he’s a racist, everyone knows already and doesn’t care, so stop playing the card).
I don’t want to accept that politics is this stupid. but maybe it is. it works. this has been proven by focus groups and pollsters. candidates kiss babies and go to barbeques in Iowa and talk to farmers and swing by coffee shops and play to our fears and liken their opponents to Islamic extremists and despots on the other side of the world to win votes at home. and people, every year, complain about how the rhetoric is worse than the last time we sat through this.
what I’m saying isn’t news. you know it.

they think we’re stupid.
maybe we are.

I hate democrats. almost as much as I hate republicans. but I love politics. isn’t it ironic?