convention
I took really, really shitty notes of the three hours of convention coverage I watched tonight. would you like to read these notes? hell yes you would!
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is giving a speech.
Nancy Pelosi is an awful speaker. which, of course, is why she’s just the Speaker.
she’s doing a call response:
“Barack Obama is right!” she says, and
“John McCain is wrong!” says the crowd.
Pelosi is an Italian American. what? how was she allowed to climb this high in government?
annnd, Pelosi is basically wordfucking Obama. but then again, it’s the god damned convention, so what did I expect?
“Katharine Lee Bates … was in Denver … saw Pikes Peak … and bountiful golden prairies, majestic mountains. and then she wrote ‘America the Beautiful’ …” Pelosi’s favorite is the fourth verse? know why? Barack Obama, that’s why!
loud MSNBC television person Chris Matthews on Pelosi’s speech:
“This speech was expected. there’s always an indictment speech of the rival candidate’s message.” well, howdy do. I wasn’t aware of that.
over on Fox News (America’s election headquarters) Bill O’Reilly got some asshole interviewing protesters outside of the Pepsi Center, of course, to give a nice, evenhanded look at the type of person who attends the Democratic Convention. honestly, though, if I were in Denver, that’s where I’d probably be.
… and now he’s looping video of a Ward Churchill speech. of course he is.
a while later, a video tribue to Ted Kennedy
this video is the most cheesedick thing I think I’ve ever seen.
and here’s Kennedy. check out the haircut. brain tumors, man.
Kennedy pledges that he’ll be still be alive and a functioning senator in January. that’s not a joke or anything, he really said that.
is talking about “a season of hope.” calls this new hope the cause of his life. “we’ll break the old gridlock and guarantee every American … will have decent, quality healthcare as a fundamental right, not a privilege.”
how will this happen? Barack Obama, that’s how!
later …
David Gregory of NBC news is interviewing Sen. John Kerry and his wife, Theresa Heinz Kerry, who is clearly drunk. ohh, Gregory’s got a question for the missus! Kerry hold the mic for her as she leans in and, and yes: I can see an awful lot of her boob.
David Gregory, who has served his time and seems to be a decent reporter, still elicits a strange response from me. I want to take a swing at him. this is very primal. like, remember Ogre from “Revenge of the Nerds”? NERDS. it’s like that.
Chris Matthews is interviewing your boy Sen. Chris Dodd
Dodd looks like any number of woodland animals. and like his good friend, Ted Kennedy, he can see the similarities between John F. Kennedy and Barack Obama.
Karl Rove is on Fox News! he works there now! Sean Hannity just called him “the architect”. that’s fucking sweet. I forgot all about this!
I wanted to read up on some political bloggin’ on the convention, so I checked the Huffington Post. their headline, in 70 point Myriad Roman font, is THE LION EMERGES. which is about Ted Kennedy. I really don’t like the Huffington Post. say what you will.
James Carville is on a CNN roundtable discussion. there’s Donna Brazille. if there’s one thing that everyone from all political stripes can agree on, it’s that Carville is a strikingly ugly man.
here’s Michelle Obama’s brother, Craig. he says she’s memorized every episode of the Brady Bunch and used to play the piano before his big games in high school.
when they would stay up late and talk at night, she would always bring up the people who were picked on at school or had a tough time at home. talk about an instant fuckin’ bummer, man.
your boy Craig is the head coach of the Oregon State men’s basketball team. really? GO BEAVERS.
and now, with the basketball tie-in, Craig gives a scouting report on Barack: “he’ll talke the shot if he’s open. and he won’t back down from anything.”
here comes Michelle Obama.
are they playing Motown for her introduction?
okay, some thoughts on Mrs. Obama. she’s a good speaker. good cadence. knows how to work a crowd. sounds believable. she sounds like she’s having a conversation at a kitchen table, which is good, I’d imagine. isn’t this how she wants to look?
oh, christ, enough with the funny name shit. anyone who can’t get over Barack Obama’s name probably can’t figure out how to vote anyhow.
Barack says, “there’s the world as it is and the world as it should be. and far too often we settle for what is.”
when her kids look back on this campaign, “they’ll tell them how this time we listened to our hopes instead of our fears.” nice.
and, she’s done. PA is playing “isn’t she lovely”. and there’s Obama on the jumbo-tron. he’s in Kansas City, his car must have broken down. some painful back and forth with a delay between Obama and his wife and kids, and he’s out. he’ll be there in a few days! I’d imagine he’s road-trippin’ his way there. he’s probably selling oregano outside the mall for gas money, right now.
and now, Andrea Kramer is interviewing Richard Daly. who is like Diamond Joe Quimby crossed with a Superfan.
and, that’s it.
