rock over London. rock on, Chicago.

what follows is what I typed as I listened to President Obama’s address last night. I actually missed the first run, so I caught it again on its rebroadcast. go ahead and skip this if you’d like, I’m only half as witty as I purport to be.

…

“thank you. thank you. thank you.
“thank you. thank you. thank you, everybody.”
annnd here we go.
apparently, this isn’t Obama’s first State of the Union, but rather, his first address to a joint session of Congress. you don’t do it in an election year. which is why, I guess, he doesn’t say “the State of our Union is strong.”
he’s getting a lot of love tonight. I guess you’ll have that when your party runs the legislature.
so. on to the economy. he starts with the economy: “we will rebuild. we will recover. and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before.” everybody gets up and claps for that. that’s the first applause line of the speech.

responsiblity seems to be a big theme here. Obama says we’ve been, you know, irresponsible. “the surplus became an opportunity to help the wealthy at expense of investing of our future.” there’s a nice, hearty fuck you to the Republicans.
‘we need to create jobs,’ he says. good plan, stan. and, yeah. he knows about the deficit, and he’s not about big government, but ‘it had to be done. and so we did it! and now whatever version of TARP legislation we’re now on is now law!’ only half the room gets up for that.
and now he cites examples of how his economic recovery plan has worked. so remember to thank Mr. Obama for your police officers, Minneapolis.
but now, he know a lot of skeptics out there think the government is gonna fuck this up and spend all of this money on some bullshit boondoggle, but Obama says it’s cool. Joe Biden’s gonna head the oversight panel. “and nobody messes with Joe.” and also? he set up a website so you can see where the money’s going. wow. that website sounds so goddamned condescending  transparent I think my head is going to explode.

ha. now he’s talking about the financial bailout. and how it’s necessary to give Citigroup and AIG  tax-dollar enemas. and, on queue, Fox News shows Richard Shelby from Alabama, who looks like he’s about to have a heart attack, he’s so pissed. I actually kind of like that angry old fuck.
“while the cost of actions could be great, the cost of inaction would be even greater.” I think that’s what he said. is it? either way, that’s his point. and that’s the central question behind TARP, and whether you support it or not. le Canadien does. my boss does not. the left, and the right.
to defend the bank flush, Obama describes the wonders of credit lending. “cause then your buddy can get that car loan.” or somesuch nonsense. ehh. I hate how these face-the-nation speeches have become finance lessons for retards. 
oh. and we gotta update financial regulation laws. this gets cheers, and eventually a standing ovation from the entire congress. the assholes. where the fuck was congress when this was going on? why are you cheering? stop it. you’re not the mob, you can’t rally against your own ineptitude. this body voted for banking degregulation, for christ’s sake. it’s partially their fault that all of this happened. god damn it.

Obama leaves me behind to fester on this, and suddenly he’s talking about how the GI bill was awesome, compares it with current intervention, “… one in which we’re gonna focus on energy, health care, and education.” I have to say, as obnoxious as political speeches are, this beats the hell out of watching George Bush threaten other governments and shrug off civil liberties violations.

“…. speaking of our auto industry …”
oh god, yes.
we’re gonna give Detroit a good scoldin’, says Obama but we’re not letting them fail. somewhere, Richard Wagoner is crying, and has involuntarily voided his bladder.
“we’ve done more to advance health care in the last 30 days than in the last decade.” Republicans don’t move, they are frozen with White Hot Rage. that’s some shameful shit, you sons of bitches.
“health care reform cannot, it must not wait, and it will not wait another year.” okay, how’s this: if, during this term, Obama passes substantial health care reform and the economy still tanks – an outcome that would be pretty hard to pull off — I’d say he gets a C+.

he has moved on to education. I’m not paying enough attention to the speech. I bet you can tell. see, I’m tearing into this bag of grapes I got sitting here. I fuckin’ love me some grapes, man. but I return focus for a second, and Obama says:
“responsbility for you child must begin at home. that’s not a Democratic issue, or a Republican issue, that’s an American issue.” truly, we are a nation of shoddy parenting.

he’s talking about the deficit. oh yes. the Republicans ran the deficit straight through the floor, he points out, and don’t you fucking forget it.
he wants to halve it by 2012. I, you know. wait. if he does that, Obama’s either a magician, or jesus christ. or the one who will Bring Balance to the Force.
“we’ll end tax breaks for corporations that ship our jobs overseas.”
“in order to save our children from a future of debt, we will also end the tax breaks for the wealthiest 2 percent of Americans.” the Republicans pout.

now muscular foreign policy. he’s talking tough on Pakistan, Afghanistan right now. according to his talking points, that’s where the next war’s gonna focus. says something about supporting the troops, and everyone turns and claps at the the marine and army lieutenants in the gallery. these things are always awkward, you know, when the props get used?
but then Obama says we’re gonna up soldier compensation. I agree.
and he talks about how he’s ordered the closing of Guantanamo Bay. I agree again.
and then he makes the commitment that “the United States does not torture.” I can’t believe it’s even come to this as debate.

and now to close, personal stories about the economy, and people who are great like Leonard Abess, Jr, the bank president who sold his business and gave all $60 million to his employees. and are we gonna clap at him, are we gonna clap everybody, oh whatthehellwhynot. everybody claps at him. clap Abess down!
or a girl who goes to a public school in South Carolina that should be condemned. who had to write her fucking congressman to get something done about it. she gets a firm clapping.
clap, clap, yes, Congress like.

and then he finishes.

… but I also know that every American who is sitting here tonight loves this country and wants it to succeed.
I know that.
that must be the starting point for every debate we have in the coming months and where we return after those debates are done. that is the foundation on which the American people expect us to build common ground.
and if we do, if we come together and lift this nation from the depths of this crisis, if we put our people back to work and restart the engine of our prosperity, if we confront without fear the challenges of our time and summon that enduring spirit of an America that does not quit, then some day, years from now, our children can tell their children that this was the time when we performed, in the words that are carved into this very chamber, “something worthy to be remembered.”

that motherfucker can finish hard. it’s like he’s a distance runner, and he sprints the last 100 meters. he’s a fantastic speaker.

…

now, Fox News is having a roundtable before Bobby Jindal shows up for the Republican rebuttal. Brit Hume thinks Obama’s gonnna spend five trillion dollars. I think Hume is going to drive himself mad. and Charles Krauthammer looks like he’s kept in a tank.
and here’s Jindal. he speaks like a telemarketer, and looks like a marionette.
I have to think this isn’t going to be well-received.