Archive for May, 2010|Monthly archive page
a children’s treasury of dumb craigslist correspondence
Leave a Commentso how did it all work out? read on, to find out. emails redacted, of course.
the early tease
From: Catherine
Subject: call the fire dept: this FREE loveseat is TOO HOT (Belmont, C’Ville)
To: sale-sfphc-1731246968@craigslist.org
Date: Saturday, May 8, 2010, 8:13 PM
so i love this couch, i have a pink one- same style and everyone calls
it my grandma sofa, anyway- i wish i could come pick it up, but i live
in richmond. just wanted you to know i LOVE your ad. good luck!
Cat
Subject: call the fire dept: this FREE loveseat is TOO HOT (Belmont, C’Ville)
To: Catherine
Date: Saturday, May 9, 2010, 11:20 AM
.
From: Lauren
Subject: re: call the fire dept: this FREE loveseat is TOO HOT
To: sale-sfphc-1731246968@craigslist.org
Date: Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 11:06 AM
I want to get in on this bad ass couch. My only questions: how wide is it and is it still up for grabs?
Subject: Re: call the fire dept: this FREE loveseat is TOO HOT
To: Matthew McMullan
Date: Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 4:34 PM
Damn, I don’t think I’m available Thursday – but I would be Friday morning? Any way I could get it Friday? (I’ll try to see if I can make Thursday work.)
From: Lauren
Subject: Re: call the fire dept: this FREE loveseat is TOO HOT
To: Matthew McMullan
Date: Wednesday, May 12, 2010, 9:20 AM
Sorry, can’t do it. Good luck in your quest.
the next guy
From: Amber
Subject: love seat!
To: sale-ycvb7-1733952884@craigslist.org
Date: Monday, May 10, 2010, 3:40 PM
Is this wonderful love seat still available? If so I would love to have!
Thanks,
Reed
|
Hi!
Sorry about the delay in my reply. The fabled loveseat is still available, tentatively. Kind of on a whoever-gets-back-to-me-first kind of basis. FYI: It would have to be picked up on Thursday (and only Thursday) sometime in the afternoon.
If you’re still game, you should something heavy to cover your hands, like barbecue gloves, and a can of bear mace, because this loveseat is untamed, does not suffer a fool, and should not be taken lightly. It can turn on you in seconds.
|
From: Amber
Subject: Re: love seat!
To: Matthew McMullan
Date: Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 7:13 PM
Could certainly be picked up on Thursday afternoon. Do we need a rabies shot to come pick up?
Reed
Subject: Re: love seat!
To: Amber
Date: Tuesday, May 11, 2010, 7:13 PM
Subject: free sofa
To: sale-ycvb7-1733952884@craigslist.org
Date: Monday, May 10, 2010, 4:02 PM
furniture
update: LET’S TRY AGAIN ON THE FREE BOARD.
come along and observe me acting like a jackass on Craigslist.
moving sucks
the Kentucky Derby was last weekend. it’s America’s annual excuse to wear silly hats, get drunk, and pretend that Kentucky isn’t a state full of dumb assholes who elected Mitch McConnell and Jim I’m-a-huge-dick-with-a-tiny-penis Bunning to the Senate.
no matter. in honor of this yearly homage to mint juleps, Colonel Sanders, and people who are wealthy enough to have an interest in horse racing, I recommend reading ‘The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved’ by Hunter S Thompson. the good people behind the Derby were even self-aware enough to post it, in its entirety, on their website.
…
| The next day was heavy. With only thirty hours until post time I had no press credentials and–according to the sports editor of the Louisville Courier-Journal–no hope at all of getting any. Worse, I needed two sets: one for myself and another for Ralph Steadman, the English illustrator who was coming from London to do some Derby drawings. All I knew about him was that this was his first visit to the United States. And the more I pondered the fact, the more it gave me fear. How would he bear up under the heinous culture shock of being lifted out of London and plunged into the drunken mob scene at the Kentucky Derby? There was no way of knowing. Hopefully, he would arrive at least a day or so ahead, and give himself time to get acclimated. Maybe a few hours of peaceful sightseeing in the Bluegrass country around Lexington. My plan was to pick him up at the airport in the huge Pontiac Ballbuster I’d rented from a used-car salesman name Colonel Quick, then whisk him off to some peaceful setting that might remind him of England. |
| Colonel Quick had solved the car problem, and money (four times the normal rate) had bought two rooms in a scumbox on the outskirts of town. The only other kink was the task of convincing the moguls at Churchill Downs that Scanlan’s was such a prestigious sporting journal that common sense compelled them to give us two sets of the best press tickets. This was not easily done. My first call to the publicity office resulted in total failure. The press handler was shocked at the idea that anyone would be stupid enough to apply for press credentials two days before the Derby. “Hell, you can’t be serious,” he said. “The deadline was two months ago. The press box is full; there’s no more room…and what the hell is Scanlan’s Monthly anyway?” |
| I uttered a painful groan. “Didn’t the London office call you? They’re flying an artist over to do the paintings. Steadman. He’s Irish. I think. Very famous over there. Yes. I just got in from the Coast. The San Francisco office told me we were all set.” |
| He seemed interested, and even sympathetic, but there was nothing he could do. I flattered him with more gibberish, and finally he offered a compromise: he could get us two passes to the clubhouse grounds but the clubhouse itself and especially the press box were out of the question. |
| “That sounds a little weird,” I said. “It’s unacceptable. We must have access tp everything. All of it. The spectacle, the people, the pageantry and certainly the race. You don’t think we came all this way to watch the damn thing on television, do you? One way or another we’ll get inside. Maybe we’ll have to bribe a guard–or even Mace somebody.” (I had picked up a spray can of Mace in a downtown drugstore for $5.98 and suddenly, in the midst of that phone talk, I was struck by the hideous possibilities of using it out at the track. Macing ushers at the narrow gates to the clubhouse inner sanctum, then slipping quickly inside, firing a huge load of Mace into the governor’s box, just as the race starts. Or Macing helpless drunks in the clubhouse restroom, for their own good…) |
‘Stargate’ is on
so MIA has a new album coming out.
I had no idea. I don’t listen to a lot of MIA. I am completely out of tune when it concerns contemporary music. the Violent Femmes is in the dash in the truck right now. it replaced Little Richard’s greatest hits. I’m your creepy uncle when it comes to musical taste.
anyway, she’s released a single, which is … I don’t know. I don’t think it sounds particularly good, but as far as British electronic hip-hop goes, I guess it sounds alright. it’s called ‘born free,’ and the lyrics are hard to parse because the track is so stylized, but she’s got a political streak to her. and the video that accompanies the track is a ten-minute film about a police state that rounds up red-headed boys, takes them to an internment camp in the southern California desert, and just tears them apart. what with truncheon beatings and mines and pistols.
the video was done by a french director named Romain Gavras. whether or not you like the song or the message or the violence, it is admittedly well-done. so if you would like to watch, I would embed the video below but I’m pretty sure WordPress wants to charge me a fee to do that. the fuck is up with that?
just watch it if you like. again, it’s violent. it’s like an R-rated movie: you’ll make it through it, but it’s just not someting to have on at noon when the kids are around.
…
did you watch it?
no? that’s weak.
yes? good! okay, so now that we’e both seen it: I mean, if anything, the cinematography is good. it’s shot well, it looks incredibly clean, don’t you think? they use slow-motion there at the climactic scene to great effect. the director has good ear for the music, and weaves the video in and out of the soundtrack very well. if you watched this, and thought it didn’t suck, I would recommend watching this one about a day in the anarchic life of a Parisian street gang, and this one, a pop tune set with a bunch of Roma families.
hoodlums!
