they’lll bury Bob Knight a bitter man
I got “Bridge on the River Kwai” going.
it’s too quiet in this place. and I need some new movies. no disrespect to Sir Alec Guinness and company, of course. it just is what it is. honest to god, I associate him with this movie before I think of “Star Wars.”
but let’s get down to brass tacks. it’s been a notably shitty week. thankfully, here comes a pick-me-up – the 2012 holiday letter fast approacheth. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy writing it. here’s a couple of things to look for, as suggested by mom, in this year’s addition:
mom: “well let’s see. we got the new baby coming.
“and I served on the committee church anniversary.”
me, typing: “okay.”
mom: “put ‘keeping up with technology at work and at home.’”
me: “what?”
mom: like, we have 300 messages on the house phone. and we don’t know how to retrieve them.”
me: “I don’t understand what you’re talking about. keep going.”
mom: “I drove a duck boat on the Charles river in Boston.” (mom and grandma visited Mar — they went on a duck tour.)
me: “that’s right. you jumped in front of a bunch of kids, right?”
mom: “no, I let all of them go first, asshole. shit yeah. what do you think i spent all that money for?”
me: “didn’t you pay off the mortgage?”
mom: “yeah. but about the duck boat …
“a duck boat is an amphibious, World War II vessel. it goes on land and in water.”
me: “… okay …”
mom: “and I came in third in the garden-in-all-seasons category in a photography contest. they had the picture up at the expo center.
“and we couldn’t change the channels on the new kitchen TV for the first two months of 2011. thank god Judge Judy was on the right channel.”
me: “yes! thank god.”
mom: “what else … oh, we had two sleepovers with our gigantic, unemployed cousin. tons of fun. but hey, he pointed out 300 messages on the phone.
“there’s so damn dany! that was a while ago. there’s probably 3,000 by now. we no longer give out home phone number to important people like doctors.”
me: “to hell with doctors.”
